There’s no such thing as a weekend warrior when it comes to drugs.  I was obsessed with them - they took my soul.  They were the monkey on my back that made me lose everything.

My habit began early.  I went to prison when I was young – and as soon as I got out, my friend turned me on to heroin.  Selling drugs seemed like a good way to make money.  Eventually, it became my only source of income.  I stopped working a full-time job.  Soon I was doing so well as a dealer that people started calling me “Slinger.” 

Then I got the habit and got busted. That began my journey in and out of prison and addiction.  I moved from jail to jail and from heroin to crack.  Even a work-release program in the city couldn’t keep me from using and selling as soon as I was out.

The habit brought me to my knees and robbed me of my home. I was cold and sitting in the street with no place to go, picking up bottles and cans for money.

The first time I heard of Grand Central Neighborhood was when a friend told me that it was a good place to get food and chill out. When I went to GCN, I got involved in PTE, their employment program.  For the first time, I put on weight.  I began to feel like I would be fine on my own.

But once I left, I started using again.  The pain was worse this time - I couldn’t stand my addiction anymore.  I thought the only way to save me from my habit was to turn myself in to the police.  At my trial, I asked for the maximum sentence. I spent the following year in jail. 

While I was in prison, I saw an old man with a limp in the mess hall.  His number was very similar to mine – and the resemblance didn’t end there.  When I saw him, it was like looking in a mirror.  A light went on:  I realized what my future would look like if I kept going the way I had been.  I didn’t want to end my days as an addict in prison, so I resolved to change.

When I was released, I immediately returned to GCN and got back into PTE.  Because I was clean, the staff was willing to give me another chance. The people at GCN saw something in me that others didn’t.  When I finally let my guard down and started trusting people, they started trusting me back - and it felt good.  I did maintenance work and kitchen work for 2 years – I cleaned dishes, washed walls and learned not only how to prep meals but how to take care of myself.

As I began to concentrate on what I wanted out of life, I realized that finding a place to live was at the top of my list.  Mel, a guy that I worked with, first told me that GCN could help me with housing.  A case worker helped me find my current home in Raymond rooms. $325 up front got me my first home - and I’ve been living there ever since.

In my home, I have my own bedroom, and I share a kitchen and a bathroom. When I first got it, I had this feeling, like happy-scaredness.  I was happy to be my own man and have my own place - but I was scared because I felt deep down like I was going to blow all of it.

Someone once told me that I had no discipline, and I didn’t see the truth of that until I was 54 years old. Now I try to discipline myself. I stay away from the places, people and things that once brought me down. 

I have two mirrors that I look into each day.  The first I bought when I moved into my apartment.  The other is my truth mirror.  I look into my truth mirror every day, and I examine myself.  I judge whether I have acted according to my conscience, and I swear to live truthfully every day.

Encouraging myself out loud helps calm me down.  It helps me keep my sanity. I tell myself, “No, I didn’t pick up today.” And I mark that on my calendar. Everyday that I mark “No,” that’s a day that I’m living free.

*Names have been changed to maintain client anonymity.